C'est la vie

I'm at my Son's place in Aurora helping? Linda look after Hunter & Camdyn while Chris & Tammye are on a cruise celebrating their 15th anniversary.

I arrived here on Wednesday -- very happy to see Linda after almost a month apart due to her grandmothering "excursions" - first to B.C. to watch Will and then here to watch the other 2.

Yesterday I took Sonny (the dog) for a walk and saw a vanity plate that said "Say la vi"
It took a moment but I quicly recognized the French saying "C'est la vie" that is used to express the saying "that's life" or that's the way it is.

As I thought about this saying I wondered about the meaning -- How do we use this expression -- is it a good philosophy to live by or is it a more cynical "what's the use" type of attitude.

I thought about Wednesday evening when Linda had been thinking we would take time for dessert and tea after the kids were in bed -- so we could catch up on each others thoughts -- and not knowing she had this in mind I had my desert before she came down causing her significant distress. C'est la vie but ... Is that life -- to accept disappointment or is it life to accept your "insensitivity" and move on.

Of course, we all handle our failures (intentional or otherwise) in different ways. -- often in sequence.

We can deny -- we can say its not my fault -- you should have told me what you were thinking.

We can try to remove the problem -- we can say I didn't mean it and you shouldn't be upset -- effectively shifting the "reason" for the hurt to other people --

We can dwell on going over it again and explaing how it happened or why it happened trying to see where we went wrong. But explaining why doesn't help and often it shifts the failure to someone else -- Why weren't they more clear? Why didn't they ...

We can get into "begging" saying "I'm sorry -- forgive me" and then get upset because that doesn't make the problem go away -- it isn't just a matter of "I'm sorry" and all the hurt disappears. Again we start shifting it to the other person -- I'm sorry -- so you should get over it ..

Or we can say "C'est la vie" -- "it is what it is" -- I failed, the consequnces are there, I didn't want this to happen but it did and I'm cupable -- it was me who made this what it is -- I can't change that -- I can't re-wind the clock and take away the consequences but I can accept my failure and turn to helping do whatever I can to help the healing -- I can sit down and listen to how you feel and how this has hurt you and I can do so without being defensive or accusing you of failing to forgive -- "it is what it is" and we move on with that reality --

You know we sometimes are so harsh in our judgement of other people's visible failures - I'm thinking of the Ted Haggard situation -- the consequences of his behavior have a tremendous impact. They make it easy for people to say "that's why I don't want to be a Christian because they are all hypocrites" -- and certainly that is why Chritian leaders need to be above reproach.

I am very sad for this hurting and harmful action -- I am angry at the ammunition that Satan has given the world to doubt the power of our Lord because he devoured this man and drew him (by his own choices and through his own lack of faith) into this wickedness.

But it is easy to be suspicious of his sincerity and the genuineness of his penitence -- it is easy to be angry at him and think that's a horrible sin because it is devastating to so many people when a public person breaks faith with their trust.

However, in terms of how he deals with this failing his options are the same as mine and yours -- when we fail in my relationships -- and in the first instance it is between him and God and his wife and his close family & friends. Others who are at more of a distance aren't really part of this healing process (or in assessing that he is not seeking healing) -- It isn't about us and we can't judge what is going on. Time will tell and God knows -- that is enough for me.--

But as described above "it is what it is" -- "C'est la vie" --

The real question is will he do what it takes in surrendering himself -- taking himself out of the issue and move to healing those relationships or will he see it as about "Ted" and focus on "rationalizing" and "suppressing" -- only God and he know his heart and I pray his heart is being "cut" until his focus is not on "fixing" himsel but rather on seeking healing for others -- for I believe healing of self only comes by surrender of self to the altar of "others first"- in particular surrender to Jesus.

So "Say la vi" -- Say there is life -- there is hope for those who surrender self and look to healing and restoration through surrender to God.

I pray for myself, for others I hurt in my day and I pray for Ted Haggard as to-day's "visible" sinner.

Avoid pointing at him - rather think about healing your own broken relationships -- those without sin should cast the first stones.

God Bless
Charlie